Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds

:(

2009-10-21T19:32:00.003+08:00

Looking thru my old posts, the last one was 2months ago and how different i feel.

The feelings are back....on and off but mostly on.

Kind of miss him.

My period is here, i think i am emotional. :(

......

2009-08-22T01:06:00.002+08:00

The feelings are back to square one.

Closed the biggest deal ever but not feeling entirely happy. Why?

I rather be at work now.

Those aren't fight words, Dear

2009-08-04T22:06:00.005+08:00

Ah fat sent me this one day....so familiar....

My version is in red.

August 2, 2009
Modern Love
Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear
By LAURA A. MUNSON
LET’S say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s — gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros when you were single and skinny — have for the most part come true.

Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.

Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

But wait. This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.

Here’s a visual: Child throws a temper tantrum. Tries to hit his mother. But the mother doesn’t hit back, lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks. Then she tries to go about her business as if the tantrum isn’t happening. She doesn’t “reward” the tantrum. She simply doesn’t take the tantrum personally because, after all, it’s not about her.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying my husband was throwing a child’s tantrum. No. He was in the grip of something else — a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did. But I decided to respond the same way I’d responded to my children’s tantrums. And I kept responding to it that way. For four months.
“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.

So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”

Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.

Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”

You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.

My husband hadn’t yet come to this understanding with himself. He had enjoyed many years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of four all along. But his new endeavor hadn’t been going so well, and his ability to be the breadwinner was in rapid decline. He’d been miserable about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally and letting himself go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage; to be done with our family.

But I wasn’t buying it.

I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?” he said.

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”

Then I repeated my line, “What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?”

“How can we have a responsible distance?”

“I don’t want distance,” he said. “I want to move out.”

My mind raced. Was it another woman? Drugs? Unconscionable secrets? But I stopped myself. I would not suffer.

Instead, I went to my desk, Googled “responsible separation” and came up with a list. It included things like: Who’s allowed to use what credit cards? Who are the children allowed to see you with in town? Who’s allowed keys to what?

I looked through the list and passed it on to him.

His response: “Keys? We don’t even have keys to our house.”

I remained stoic. I could see pain in his eyes. Pain I recognized.

“Oh, I see what you’re doing,” he said. “You’re going to make me go into therapy. You’re not going to let me move out. You’re going to use the kids against me.”

“I never said that. I just asked: What can we do to give you the distance you need ... ”

“Stop saying that!”

Well, he didn’t move out.
Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his usual six o’clock.

He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our entire Fourth of July — the parade, the barbecue, the fireworks — to go to someone else’s party. When he was at home, he was distant. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He didn’t even wish me “Happy Birthday.”

But I didn’t play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids: “Daddy’s having a hard time as adults often do. But we’re a family, no matter what.” I was not going to suffer. And neither were they.

MY trusted friends were irate on my behalf. “How can you just stand by and accept this behavior? Kick him out! Get a lawyer!”

I walked my line with them, too. This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.

I know what you’re thinking: I’m a pushover. I’m weak and scared and would put up with anything to keep the family together. I’m probably one of those women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you, I’m not. I load 1,500-pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin-induced natural childbirth. And a Caesarean section without follow-up drugs. I am handy with a chain saw.

I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband’s problem. He was. If he could turn his problem into a marital fight, he could make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so that wouldn’t happen.

Privately, I decided to give him time. Six months.

I had good days, and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road. I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say “Don’t take it personally” when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do.

Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying or begging, I presented him with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to share in it, or not — it was up to him. If he chose not to come along, we would miss him, but we would be just fine, thank you very much.

And we were.

And, yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay. To love me. To fight for what we’ve created. You can bet I wanted to.

But I didn’t.

I barbecued. Made lemonade. Set the table for four. Loved him from afar.

And one day, there he was, home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man doesn’t mow his lawn if he’s going to leave it. Not this man. Then he fixed a door that had been broken for eight years. He made a comment about our front porch needing paint. Our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for next winter. The future. Little by little, he started talking about the future.
It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, “I’m thankful for my family.”

He was back.

And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself. Maybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.

When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: it’s not a spouse or land or a job or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.

My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We’ve since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are permanent. Who see an easy out, and think they can escape.

My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me.

But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.

Laura A. Munson is a writer who lives in Whitefish, Mont.

Copyright 2009 The New York Times Company

Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

By LAURA A. MUNSON

LET’S say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s — gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros when you were single and skinny — have for the most part come true.

I seriously believed we had a healthy marriage.

Two decades later you have the 20 acres of land, the farmhouse, the children, the dogs and horses. You’re the parents you said you would be, full of love and guidance. You’ve done it all: Disneyland, camping, Hawaii, Mexico, city living, stargazing.

We were together for 6 years when it happened. Travelled quite a bit together. Scuba dived together. Build a home together. Decorated it together.

Sure, you have your marital issues, but on the whole you feel so self-satisfied about how things have worked out that you would never, in your wildest nightmares, think you would hear these words from your husband one fine summer day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”

"I don't love you anymore. It's been going on for months." Oh boy was I shocked!

But wait. This isn’t the divorce story you think it is. Neither is it a begging-him-to-stay story. It’s a story about hearing your husband say “I don’t love you anymore” and deciding not to believe him. And what can happen as a result.

I didn't believe him. I just didn't.

Here’s a visual: Child throws a temper tantrum. Tries to hit his mother. But the mother doesn’t hit back, lecture or punish. Instead, she ducks. Then she tries to go about her business as if the tantrum isn’t happening. She doesn’t “reward” the tantrum. She simply doesn’t take the tantrum personally because, after all, it’s not about her.

I was quite sure it wasn't me. I did not do anything different.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying my husband was throwing a child’s tantrum. No. He was in the grip of something else — a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did. But I decided to respond the same way I’d responded to my children’s tantrums. And I kept responding to it that way. For four months.

I suspected he was in some kind of mid life crisis. He wanted to change jobs, join a gym, do this and do that. He had very random ideas. I could tell he was bored.

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”

Yup heard that over and over again.

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

My initial shock turned into sadness then anger then calmness. I told him I didn't believe him.

He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.

So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”

He was a meanie. Put the blame on me.

Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.

Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”

I don't know why. I had the same calmness. I even had to console him on the days when he was miserable to be married to me and he doesn't think we will work out ever. Those days I stopped crying.

You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.

Somehow I knew I would always have a great life no matter what. I was at peace with myself.
I think God made me in a way where I cannot and would not look at myself in self pity. My God, my abba father, my source of strength tells me that my worth was measured in gold and not in misery. I am a champion no matter what.

My husband hadn’t yet come to this understanding with himself. He had enjoyed many years of hard work, and its rewards had supported our family of four all along. But his new endeavor hadn’t been going so well, and his ability to be the breadwinner was in rapid decline. He’d been miserable about this, felt useless, was losing himself emotionally and letting himself go physically. And now he wanted out of our marriage; to be done with our family.

I am not sure till this day what happened. Was it because I join a new company and I made new friends that he felt he was out of the picture? Was I learning new things faster than him? I was the last person he expected to join a bank, watch CNBC and has Bloomberg as a homepage. I was picking up financial terms and how it works faster and better than him. Did he feel like his self esteem was under attack? Did he feel like he was no longer smart enough for me? Did he feel like I stopped giving him the attention he needed? Did he feel inadequate being with me then?

But I wasn’t buying it.

Of cos I wasn't buying it.

I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

"Why don't you tell your male friends and talk to them?"

“Huh?” he said.

Scratch?

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave.
Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. Anything but hurting the children and me with a reckless move like the one you’re talking about.”

Go out with your friends. Do something. I am not stopping you. I can wait it out. I can give you time to think about what you want.

Then I repeated my line, “What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?”

“How can we have a responsible distance?”

“I don’t want distance,” he said. “I want to move out.”

"I do not want to waste your time. Better to end it early."

My mind raced. Was it another woman? Drugs? Unconscionable secrets? But I stopped myself. I would not suffer.

I keep wondering if it was another woman. What else? Whatever it is, it's not me.

Instead, I went to my desk, Googled “responsible separation” and came up with a list. It included things like: Who’s allowed to use what credit cards? Who are the children allowed to see you with in town? Who’s allowed keys to what?

I looked through the list and passed it on to him.

His response: “Keys? We don’t even have keys to our house.”

I remained stoic. I could see pain in his eyes. Pain I recognized.

“Oh, I see what you’re doing,” he said. “You’re going to make me go into therapy. You’re not going to let me move out. You’re going to use the kids against me.”

Funnily enough, he suggested therapy.

“I never said that. I just asked: What can we do to give you the distance you need ... ”

“Stop saying that!”

Well, he didn’t move out.

Instead, he spent the summer being unreliable. He stopped coming home at his usual six o’clock. He would stay out late and not call. He blew off our entire Fourth of July — the parade, the barbecue, the fireworks — to go to someone else’s party. When he was at home, he was distant. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He didn’t even wish me “Happy Birthday.”

Somehow, he still came home the same time and we managed to eat dinner together. We didn't talk at home. He stopped holding my hand. It was weird to even be too near to him. I felt like I was living with a stranger. He was always chatting online. And I couldn't even sit next to him. He would blow his top and said I was intruding. It was very heart breaking.

But I didn’t play into it. I walked my line. I told the kids: “Daddy’s having a hard time as adults often do. But we’re a family, no matter what.” I was not going to suffer. And neither were they.

MY trusted friends were irate on my behalf. “How can you just stand by and accept this behavior? Kick him out! Get a lawyer!”

Hahaha... you know who you are.

I walked my line with them, too. This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.

I felt like he was a teenager who was lost and I had to bring him back. If I left him, he was be even more trouble with himself. I had to be patient, not to tip him over the edge. But he needed to solve his own problems.
I know what you’re thinking: I’m a pushover. I’m weak and scared and would put up with anything to keep the family together. I’m probably one of those women who would endure physical abuse. But I can assure you, I’m not. I load 1,500-pound horses into trailers and gallop through the high country of Montana all summer. I went through Pitocin-induced natural childbirth. And a Caesarean section without follow-up drugs. I am handy with a chain saw.

I know what you are thinking too. Don't worry about me. I am very hardy. I take on molesters on buses, road bullies, pick pockets in Paris and tuk tuk drivers who try to pull a fast one.

I simply had come to understand that I was not at the root of my husband’s problem. He was. If he could turn his problem into a marital fight, he could make it about us. I needed to get out of the way so that wouldn’t happen.

Sorry. It's just not me. Why are you blaming me? I am pretty sure it's you.

Privately, I decided to give him time. Six months.

Privately. I gave him 2 years. Sibei long hor?

I had good days, and I had bad days. On the good days, I took the high road. I ignored his lashing out, his merciless jabs. On bad days, I would fester in the August sun while the kids ran through sprinklers, raging at him in my mind. But I never wavered. Although it may sound ridiculous to say “Don’t take it personally” when your husband tells you he no longer loves you, sometimes that’s exactly what you have to do.

I ignored his miserable look and tone. I put aside his " I don't love you" I went to work laughed and joked all day long. Day after day. When I reached home and faced him, I allowed him to vent his fruastrations on me. Tears stopped coming, not because I wasn't sad anymore but I knew he needed help and I was the only one who could help him. I gave him time and space.

Instead of issuing ultimatums, yelling, crying or begging, I presented him with options. I created a summer of fun for our family and welcomed him to share in it, or not — it was up to him. If he chose not to come along, we would miss him, but we would be just fine, thank you very much.

And we were.

I was fine. I had a revelation when an angel spoke to me. I knew I was going to be ok. Whatever happens. I let him know that.

And, yeah, you can bet I wanted to sit him down and persuade him to stay. To love me. To fight for what we’ve created. You can bet I wanted to.

But I didn’t.

I sat him a couple times but when he turned into his meanie self. I backed off.

I barbecued. Made lemonade. Set the table for four. Loved him from afar.

I invited him to meals with my friends. I invited him to my office parties. I suggested places to go. I went off for a weekend diving and had fun. Loved him from afar.

And one day, there he was, home from work early, mowing the lawn. A man doesn’t mow his lawn if he’s going to leave it. Not this man. Then he fixed a door that had been broken for eight years. He made a comment about our front porch needing paint. Our front porch. He mentioned needing wood for next winter. The future. Little by little, he started talking about the future.

Finally one night, when he joined my colleagues and I for clubbing. He never let go off my hand. He held me tight like he knew he would lose me if he continued his route of misery.

It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, “I’m thankful for my family.”

I could tell he was scared of losing me. He never let me go out of his sight that weekend. We were like 2 peas in a pod.

He was back.

Yes he was.

And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself. Maybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.

Maybe he felt the same way. I will never know for sure.

When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: it’s not a spouse or land or a job or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal.

You are happy the minute you choose to be happy. Be the theremometer not the thermostat.

My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We’ve since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are permanent. Who see an easy out, and think they can escape.

He is still sometimes in a world of his own that I am unable to step into. I let him be. He needs his space. I will love enough for both of us if need be. I will have my ups and lows as well. But I know Jesus will provide me enough strength to get by the lows. I refuse to let him give up on himself.

My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me.

Yes he blamed me. All of it. Everything was my fault dated way back to 2003.

But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.

Thank you Jesus.

Laura A. Munson is a writer who lives in Whitefish, Mont.

Copyright 2009 The New York Times Company

Heart

2009-08-03T23:35:00.002+08:00

I lost a colleauge today....her new boss makes mine seem like an angel.

Some people just have no heart. do whatever they can to reach their personal targets.

I love my boss!

This is for you, you, you and you!!!

2009-08-02T21:56:00.005+08:00

Listening to Jay Chou's Dao Xiang

A light melody introduced to me by csb. Kinda hooked on it now.

Reached home about an hour ago after dinner with my folks and guess what? I went to the gym and spent an hour on the thread mill....walking of cos :p Nontheless, I was perspiring like mad and felt really good about myself.

Had a LZB pajamies (bwen's version) party at club depot. My sistars crack me up!!! alot of insults and taunting shooting back and forth but no hard feelings in this group. We all know we love one another.

My favourite Malaysian aka Lazy POW, always has a listening ear despite her wise ass jokes and signature ala pirates one black tooth and captain sparrow's black smouldering eyes. Can't believe we survived 18 years together. She is the tooth picking bitting, fashion police who loves K POP!

My favourite Indonesian aka Ahnik, who lets us boss her around and keeps the place clean and has more patience for her dear friends than her men. One who is always not afraid to curse in hokkien in the gentlest of tone and fantazises to launch an attack on a flasher one day.

My favourite Singaporean friend aka Tatulla twinkie tai tai tey, who is always ready to pay for food and drinks, haggle with durian uncles and will drive over to comfort or bring you to the doctor. With her phoenix eyes (which somebody insists she has, i wonder who?), she will give you the most kiam pah look and you can count on her to spit poison on your enemy.

My favourite Taiwanese friend aka Ahfat who missed the latest LZB gathering but has her heart and soul with us here in teeny tiny Singapore, vowed to order 30 chicken wings when she is back. Although she is far away, she is always kept abreast of the latest gossips and will bring goodies when she back. Through her emails, you can always feel her warmth and concern. My favourite Shu Umera importer!

You have made my life more colourful.
You have provided me with loads of laughter.
You have given me different perspectives.
You have listened to my woes.
You have allowed me to be who I am.
You have shared my happiest moments.
You have gained weight with me.
You have encouraged me.
In the words of Jerry Maguire " You complete me."

XOXO,
bobo

A nice start

2009-07-28T00:14:00.002+08:00

had 3 apts closed 3 deals today. quite pleased with myself.

all i need now is a good night's sleep.

Don't worry

2009-07-27T11:50:00.002+08:00

About me my sistars!! It's one of those days when I am just restless.

When I am in knee height shit you girls will know.

Just need to find my strength back:)

not feeling it

2009-07-25T23:33:00.002+08:00

today is the day. just not feeling it.

slowly dying inside. how many more days of this? it's all about you.

just not feeling it.

Why?

2009-07-19T11:22:00.002+08:00

Today I actually feel indifferent. I am going through the motions with you. I think you know.

:(:(

2009-07-19T10:29:00.002+08:00

I suspect he knows?

:(

2009-07-19T10:11:00.000+08:00

I am not happy. I am almost sure I am heading for disaster.

Half day off

2009-06-12T13:23:00.002+08:00

On half day today. Slept till 11am. Watched bridewars, ate a big bowl of korean noodles.

Should be happy but feeling directionless.

Very difficult to survive under such a leader. The mood swings are all over the place. I seriously cannot keep up. I don't need a friend. I need a leader.

Can I make it to the 2 yr make?

A sense of peace, emptiness and just lazy

2009-05-31T19:14:00.002+08:00

Sunday and at home now. The last day of May. Almost half a year have gone by with nothing to shout for.

The job is getting boring. Only saving grace is my colleagues at work who are a bunch of nuts who can talk cock with me non stop.

I like staying at home....bubi walking around doing the laundry now.....but it seems that there is no target in life. Nothing to work towards to. Prob only looking towards Bali and Jay chou and LZBs in Taiwan if there is one.....

Hello.

2009-04-05T21:41:00.002+08:00

Long time no write.

I had another episode of sleep paralysis last night.

I was struggling, trying to wake up, make some noise but I failed. I saw a bright light shone on me. I tried to open my eyes and it was gone. And seriously, I knew throughout the whole time that it was just part of my imagination.

Infact, I didn't much about it until I spoke to E about it today.

All alone again with no bubi. Just waiting for him to come back this thursday :)

Waiting for the full abundance favour of god to rain down on me!

Rainbow of hope and love in this lyrics

2009-02-17T23:35:00.000+08:00

I Hope You Dance lyrics

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)

My results from the internet

2008-11-18T00:04:00.000+08:00

Women's Nutrition Guide

Your results for the Women's Nutrition Guide Calorie Calculator

These results will help you to know how many calories you need to maintain your current weight, and the number of calories needed per day to achieve your goal weight in a healthy, steady manner.

You need 1998.9 calories per day to maintain your current weight without exercise.

You need 1850 calories per day to reach your goal weight slowly and maintain that weight without exercise.

If you reduce your current caloric intake to 1498.9 calories per day you will lose one pound per week without exercise.

If you increase your current caloric intake to 2498.9 calories per day, you will gain one pound per week.

Exercise and Calorie Needs

If you exercise for 30 minutes each day, you may increase your caloric intake to 2220.4 calories per day and still maintain your current weight.

If you exercise for 60 minutes each day, you may increase your caloric intake to 2497.1 calories per day to maintain your current weight.

If you exercise for 30 minutes each day, you will be able to reach your goal weight with 2053.6 calories per day.

If you exercise for 60 minutes each day, you will be able to reach your goal weight with 2308 calories per day.

Macronutrients

The United States Department of Agriculture suggests that approximately 50 percent of your calories come from carbohydrates, about 30 percent from fats, and approximately 20 percent from protein sources. One gram of protein has about four calories, one gram of fat has about nine calories, and one gram of carbohydrate has about four calories.

You need 249.9 grams of carbohydrates, 66 grams of fat, and 99.9 grams of protein per day for 1998.9 calories to maintain your weight of 165 pounds.

You need 231.3 grams of carbohydrates, 61.1 grams of fat, and 92.5 grams of protein per day for 1850 calories to maintain your goal weight of 130 pounds.

Please remember that these calorie counts are an average, you may need to adjust your calorie needs up or down slightly to get the results you want. Your results are calculated to help you understand how many calories you need to maintain your current weight, or the number of calories you need to lose weight slowly, over several months' time.

If you would like more detailed information about the number of calories you need, join Calorie-Count Plus. Membership is free and you wil have access to online tools to create the perfect diet.

Opinions vary greatly about the percentages of fats, carbohydrates, and proteins that should make up your diet. About has two great sources of information for Low Carbohydrate Diets and Low Fat Diets.

Calories 17th Nov

2008-11-17T23:33:00.004+08:00

Breakfast

1 slice bread = 70

Lunch

Mei Cai Kou Rou Fan yummy pork hehehee = 400
Honey Lemon drink = 150

Snack @ 530pm

Half popiah = 50
1 Milo = 100
1/4 Rojak with you tiao = 100

Supper @ 11.40pm... just now bloated ....now very hungweeeeee...

1/2 bowl porridge = 100
2 glasses ribena = 30

Total calories 1000
1000 x 1.1 = 1100

I never even eat also can consume 1100 calories????????? Faint!

Last of my 20's.

2008-11-16T19:46:00.002+08:00

No Bubi for 2 weeks. I think I am going out of my mind being alone. Sick Sick Sick.

Not looking forward to my birthday actually.

Feels depressing to be celebrating my last 20's. I know I know I am one of the last to cross this line. It is like a part of me has passed and I will never get it back.

That's why I have not made up my mind where to go eat my sistars. Just not kinda enthusiatic somehow....

Calories for 16th Nov 08

2008-11-16T18:08:00.002+08:00

Didn't have anything for the whole day because I was really dizzy woke up and slept and woke up again at 4pm.....hehhehe.......

Felt so hungry I whacked a sandwich

2 slices of bread = 2 x 70 = 140
2 hard boiled eggs = 2 x 76 = 156
1 kraft chesse = 50
2 glasses ribena = 2 x 15 = 30

Calories = 476

ok I was still hungry at 5.30pm and I had

1 cup instant porridge = 160
3 small pork balls = 3 x 20 = 60
1/2 sausage = 50
1 glass ibena = 15
Calories = 285

Total calories = 476 + 285 = 761

I find the calories are too little I must adding an extra 10% in my calculations from now on so

761 x 1.1= 837

It seems that I have been consuming less than needed but of course I also lead a sedentary life. so NO calories burnt at all!!!!

tata!

Calorie count for 15th Nov 08

2008-11-16T17:45:00.002+08:00

Breakfast and lunch

Instant noodles - 350
3 meantballs - 3 x 20 =60
1 hard boil egg - 76
3 glasses of ribena - 3x 15= 45

Total calories = 531

Dinner

2/3 porridge = 180
1 glass honey lemon = 150
Fried Squid = ??? 200???
1 glass ribena = 15

Total calories =545

Total calories for the day = 545+531 =1076

Calories burn? ZERO! Slept on the couch all day long!

Stomach not so good

2008-11-16T13:01:00.002+08:00

It has been 4 days since we went to kushinbo and my stomach is still churning. Last night after having skipped 2 dosages of medicine, I suddenly turned cold and weak.

The nightout with the girls was cut short by my lack of concentration. I was again feeling cold and drowsy at TCC and according to my friends turning pale. Twinkie sent me home and I just slumped over my sofa with my blankie while she showed herself out.

It felt so good just to lie there and close my eyes. My eyelids were really heavy and my brain was just not functioning. Anyway I stopped my lomotil and this morning I had my biggest smelliest shit ever! Shiok!!! A lot a lot and soft soft black black! HAAHAHAHHA

Something I share with my sistars last night made it happened again, somehow it was the first time that I told them about my sleep paralysis. I am sure I have mentioned this before to some people.

Last night, I was going through my thoughts while lying in bed at around 2plus am. Just thinking about all my episodes suddenly I had another episode.

This time I felt fear though. And probably because this time I was sleeping on my left side and I still had the episode. And this time I felt myself being dragged downwards. But somehow in my consciouse mind even when was being dagged, I knew it was not real. I started to shout and I heard myself shouted. And it was all over. wsa breathing deeply. I opened my eyes somehow half hoping to see something someone. I didn't.

I just continued to sleep knowing that It was not real. Deep down I knew I was safe and just continued sleeping.

Very sleepy now.....going to nap nap.....

Calorie Count

2008-11-14T20:41:00.003+08:00

OMG!

I just had another bout of food poisoning. Fever, body ache, vomiting, stomach churning and the works.

I really hate being alone when I am sick. I drove myself home. I went to the doctor's myself. I fed myself medicine. I cooked noodles for myself. At one point I screamed and cried to myself.

I know I will survive but I wish I wasn't alone.

Anyway......

I got to stop stuffing myself with food!!! Ok due to this food poisoning episode I lost instantly 2 kg in 1 day. Not alot as compared to what I have gained over the years but it is time to count calories again!!!! I want to be healthy!!!

OK today I had :

1 packet instant noodles 275
2 hard boil eggs 76 X 2 = 152
3 siew mais 40 X 3 = 120
1 slice kraft cheese 50
1 slice bread 70
4 glasses of ribena 4 X 15 = 60

727 Calories

727 on a SICK day. I cannot imagine the number of calories I consume on a 'healthy' day. And I have not done anything today except to sit on the couch and watch 8 episodes of 90210. Die lah......

The mole in between my eyebrows

2008-11-09T19:13:00.004+08:00

For the longest time I have been trying to ignore the mole there. My mother has been trying to get me to see my fortune for it. I refused. My friends have been gone to some fortune teller or another.

I just cannot subject myself to the claims of people I do not know. If they say it is good will I be looking forward to something that is empty? If it is bad, I will be subjected to worries and sleepless nights.

BUT since tday is my MOST boliao Sunday of which I DID NOT do anything at all. NOTHING at all except to surf bo liao stuff. Finally look at what I found!!!!??!!!

Version 1

A mole here can be very lucky or very unlucky. If you have a mole here, you are destined either for extreme fame or infamy. You have great flair for creativity and are also highly intelligent, but your talents can be used for both good and bad. You are not a person to be trifled with for you are no pushover and do not forgive and forget easily. This mole is a mark of someone who will go down in history either as a great or as a tyrant.

Version 2

Prone to accident with water

Version 3

Most of his life will be spent in prison. His life span is short.

Version 4

This lady is polite and kind, and a lover of beauty. She has a strong belief in justice. She enjoys social contacts and likes helping relatives and neighbors. She is a careful and intelligent person. She often has profound thoughts, and sometimes spends too much time thinking before taking action. She has a talent for administration. She will have good luck and be successful in her job. She has, or will have, more money. It is easy for her to be charming and intelligent, and she is respected by everyone. She will marry a man with white or light skin, and if he is older or a foreigner, she will have much happiness. She should not marry a man richer than she is, for they will not be able to get along. Mole or Birthmark on Left or Right eyebrow this man is polite and kind, and likes to have fun.

My searches are getting weirder and weirder. And mostly they do not sound too great.

Prison, early death and accident in water????!!!????

When I was 10, a mother of a friend stopped her from playing with me after the mother saw my mole. My friend told me she was to stay away from me and her mother stopped being nice to me. It was the WERIDEST thing every. I WAS TEN! C'MON! What am I going to do? Cause your daughter to fail her PSLE????

It's ridiculous, seriously.

Sorry dudes, I love myself and I seriously do not want to care about the mole anymore. the mole is part of me. But I am going to live a great life!

Right Jesus?

Nothing but laughter @ Club Depot 101008

2008-11-09T01:07:00.001+08:00

Viva la Vida

2008-11-08T23:37:00.003+08:00

My new favourite song. Coldplay Viva la Vida

About the struggle of too much power and the consequences.

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
(Ohhh)

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
(Ohhhhh Ohhh Ohhh)

Hear Jerusalem bells are ringings
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter will call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh

Tired

2008-11-06T18:09:00.001+08:00

No business but damn busy handling customer's petty complains.

I need a break!

Sunday is OVER

2008-10-27T00:19:00.003+08:00

A little sad it's over. I am 1/3 through The 7 habits of highly effective people. Just reading re-affirms the path I am going is true. Although I must say the book is not the gospel true but it helps me.

I can't believe I have not read in such a long time. Read books. Not magazines or fictional novels. Autobiographys or based on true story types. The bible. I used to read EVERY night from 12am till 2am. What happened? I guess the horrible CABLE took over my life.

Ok getting off my throne now. Going to read abit more before I sleep.

UPDATED 2037hrs

OK I am only halfway through the book. And now Monday is also almost over.

Time to prepare for tmr.....

LOVE

2008-10-26T16:49:00.002+08:00

A friend is msning me about his miserable love life.

Relationships make a mockery of all of us one time or another.

Well, I am still enjoying my Sunday. I hope this doesn't end soon.....

Beautiful Sunday

2008-10-26T15:15:00.002+08:00

Bubi went to JB. I am resting at home due to my limited walking ability. Blah!

Parked permanantly on the couch reading/surfing the net/watching TV/eating/sleeping.

The warm light filtering through my curtains and the light breeze blowing in is just perfect for me.

The remote controls at my command, with the light flick of my fingers changes dilligently to the channel of my choice. So far I have watched 3 episodes of Friends, 1 Faith and Hope and snipets of random programs.

Reading The 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen R Convey. Am 1/10 through the book will be done by the time bubi is back. I hope?

I love today. The house is clean. I just showered, did mask for my hair and scrubed my face with something really nice from Origins. Slathered on the freebies I have from Shu Umera which Ah fat got for me. Marinated myself with free body lotion from Shangri-La Jakarta.

Organized my bathroom cupboards. Woah...I have tons of good stuff. My make up trolley is filled to the brim. Seriously I have got to stop buying stuff. I must save alot of money. Money which I seriously need to have. Damn!

I have been a good girl though. Have not been buying clothes, accesories and make up. At least for the last 6 months. Am proud of myself. Only on food and neccesities. Good Girl!

Ok, just realised again I am rambling.....bye...will post up of my Orh Chei knees later!

XOXO
Me and myself.

The day I fell....OUCH!

2008-10-25T15:19:00.006+08:00

Mummyfying my beautiful leg in guaze and smelly herbs.

At home...looking worse...:(

Csb brought soon kueh over to cheer me up! YUMZ....

UPDATED ON 28TH OCT

3 days later....my bruised knees...

Some alone time - Happy nonsense thoughts

2008-10-24T01:13:00.007+08:00

Sitting on my golden throne and doing my poo pooing at 1.13am on a Friday morning. Things I do when I am all alone in a contained space. And guess what else I am doing. Just sitting here listening to:

Jason Mraz - I'm yours on Youtube.

The melody is just soothing. This is one of those songs where they really can call it music to thy ears.

Feels like I am sitting on a beach somewhere and relaxing. Just me and myself. Having some alone time to myself is sometimes one of the best enjoyment. Nobody to boss me around. I can do whatever I want at whatever time I wish. Doing nothing is right at the top of the list. Without a care in the world, however brief it is.

Can't wait for my 3 weeks break in December. The idea of sitting through 13 hours of flight by myself some how trills me. Me and myself among other strangers whose thoughts I would pretend to read. Ordering beer and sipping while I watch re-runs of Friends and dozzing off. Only to wake up to the robotic voice of Chicken Or Fish?

Looking through the in-flight catalog and deciding which item to get only to reject the idea completely at the last minute. Digging through my big brown bag and admiring my latest purchase of lipstick from Mac. Who am I kidding? It will be Viva Glam V. Again? Yes I love that colour, thank you. So shoot me.

Listening to my free Samsung MP3 courtesy of my ex-company's door gift at Zouk last year whereas the snotties around me will be totting an IPOD. Probably reflecting on my life throughout 2008. Scary. Very scary. Already I am wishing for a better 2009. Damn ...what happened to my carefree thoughts on a beach a while ago?

So my family, fambily and friends...I do really hope that whereever you are at any time, know that I always wish you the best . I may not be easy to be with but my heart is pure. My words and actions at times rough around the edges, my heart is soft. Overbearing as I am, my heart is true.

I'm yours.

The year is coming to an end. I wish God will just tell me exactly what to do so that I can skip all those heartbreak that comes along in relationships in family, friends and work. But he does not want to. He gives me the freedom of choice. Note to self. Make better choices in 2009. But Lord can you please show me the way? Or at least drop me a hint when I am beginning to look pathetic?

XOXO
Me and myself

It is fixed!!!

2008-09-29T22:22:00.000+08:00

Booked my tickets to Paris!!!!

14th Dec to 31st Dec.......So excited!!!

There's no turning back now. Paris here I come!

useless people

2008-09-19T00:10:00.000+08:00

just an entry to remind myself that that are useless people in the world!!!

me me meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2008-09-07T20:26:00.001+08:00

May God's favour look upon meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Seafod Paradise - Stuff your face day

2008-08-31T21:45:00.010+08:00

For my 2 friends, ah no and ah fat who didn't attend the crab feast!!!

hehe...don't be jealous :)

Me and bubi first to arrive. So sad nobody.

SEAFOOD PARADISE at 91 Defu Lane 10

Nothing to do... take pictures of my pretty self ...ha!

Me and Bubi.

Char Siew and Bwen Bwen

Playing with his new toy

Ok, we arrive like 6.40pm and the food only arrive at 7.30pm. By this time, Twink and her Mu Tou have not arrived yet.

1st dish - Druken Prawns - Super YUM!

2nd dish - Coffee Ribs yumyum too

3rd dish - TOUFU...mmmmmmmhmmmmm

4th Dish - Sum Bai Chai ---slurp

Crab 1 - Vermicelli broth Crab

Crab 2 - Butter crab

Crab 3 - Chili Crab

8th dish - Peking Chicken

Poster girl for Seafood paradise

Happy shiny people

Happiest shining person

Sepia tone by Bwen bwen

After that we went to some kampong hippy place at dunnoe where in Hougang.

Trying to act cute

Bapok with Bwen

Mmmmm...yummmmm....byeeeeeeeeeeeee

Patience and love

2008-08-17T19:17:00.002+08:00

Things are getting better.

Moomoo asked Jesus to whack him but I think Jesus placed his gentle touch on him and showed him love instead.

The turn around has been surprising.

Will continue to be patient.

God is looking out for me

2008-08-14T21:38:00.002+08:00

I know you are Lord. You have just sent your angel to talk to me. I am still a bit stunned by the whole episode.

I have been lost and now I want to walk right with you again.

I am steady bom bi bi

2008-08-13T21:44:00.003+08:00

Today he told me he is depressed. Depressed over the same thing again.

I was driving at that time. I didn't feel sad. Infact I had to console him and talk to him nicely. We even had dinner together cordially. I steady boh?

I really feel like my child has gone off the track and now I need to be patient and talk to him and make him understand.

He seems to be a bit happier when we got home and he even planted a kiss on my lips. We hadn't had a kiss in a whole week. He is waiting for the counselling session to hear what an independent party has to say.

A male married friend gave me valuable insight on what is happeneing to me. I must say, I am sorry my single friends, still married people seem to give better and varied points of view from different angles.

Single friends are great to lend a listening ear and be there for laughter and cursing. But somehow married friends give very sane and straight to the point advice.

He is now asleep at 930pm. I went to him and he had his eyes closed and frowning. With his eyes closed I gave him eye massage and you can instantly see his face relaxed and the frown disappear.

My married male friend said "Be generous, accept and forgive his behaviour, time and environment will make everything better. He is inconsistant in his words, he might be falling into depression. Be generous."

MMF "You should be and can be happy again."

I will REN! For the greater good. I just want my bubi back.

What do you want from me?

2008-08-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

Today, I picked you up after work for dinner. You actually held my hand, first time in 5 days.

At home you gave me a hugged and I told you, you were smelly and you said " For better or worse"

I didn't know how to react. Should I be happy? But I am afraid you might say those words again and my world will spin again out of control. I kept quiet and walked away.

I logged into facebook and check you out.

I saw that you "superhugged" some girl, and only this girl. And you sent her a video and left her a message with the words "Luv ya" inside the whole message.

I cannot hide my feelings. although you are sleeping, I went into the room and asked you who is this girl.

You claimed she is a colleague and her whoever's (can't remember) death anniversay and you just sent her something.

Should I believe you? You keep saying she is a colleague only and nothing is going on. You said you only "Luv ya" to her but you will "Love you" to me. You laughed and said you will superhugged me as well. To me what's the point? Am I priority on your list?

You said I am jealous. Of cos I am. Is it wrong of me to be jealous?

You asked me what is going on through my head. I kept quiet and said goodnight and you hugged me.

If you knew what is going through my head, there will be more sadness.

I so wanted to tell you "After all this trying is over and you still don't love me. I will let you go in good time. Be patient with me for the moment." These words wanted to burst out. Instead I just said Goodnight. I don't know if keeping quiet was the right thing to do. I walked out of the room to blog this.

You can't sleep and came out smiling and brought your laptop in and said to me "Ha, I am going to send you a superhugged!"

I just checked my facebook and you "cuddled" me. I don't feel special. I saw that you removed the video you sent her. Probably changed the settings to a private gift. I am no idiot.

Just hang on for a while ok? Just be by my side a while longer. If you really want to go, I will let you go. Just not now.

Our Sunday

2008-08-11T23:28:00.004+08:00

You have been very very very nice. Almost the calm before the storm. You bring me out for dim sum at 930am. It's almost a miracle considering we both sleep late on sundays.

You asked me for a movie over breakfast.

Youu come into the room and switch on the aircon for me when it is warm while I am taking a nap.

You asked me if I wanted to fgo to church??!!?? Did Jesus kick you in the arse?

You made sure I knew where was the toilet at the cinema. You actually waited for me outside the theatre so that I know where we were sitting. Funny thing is our seats are at the last row. How to miss?

Is this the calm before the storm?

Reply from my brother

2008-08-10T11:24:00.004+08:00

Girl,

Don't lose hope. Go for counselling. Sometimes, in our relationships, we hit a patch and think all is lost. It has happened a few times for me too. At the end of the day, if it is meant to be , both of you will betogether.

Time will tell if Colin will come back to you. he must have a reason why he feels this way. How can somebody stop loving somebody? It is possible there is a 3rd party, maybe he is having an infatuation. but if it is the case, he will have to work out his thoughts and see if he wants to make therelationship work.

The cooling off period helps. He will have to think what he wants to do next. In the mean time, busy yourself with work and think positve thoughts. Channel your energy to work and do the best you can.

We will talk more when i come back on the 21st.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes how can somebody stop loving somebody? I also want to know how this happens? Iam hurting so badly. I am sitting here looking at our wedding photos handing on the wall. My heart literally feels pain. tears streaming down my face uncontrollably.

Is there an end to this?

Duffy - Warwick Avenue

2008-08-09T20:46:00.001+08:00

Are you singing about me?

Email to my brother

2008-08-09T20:32:00.001+08:00

Situation is not too good. Colin keeps repeating he doesn't love me. I have stopped talking to him. I have no more desire to talk to him. Weridly he is being nicer and try to make conversation but i cannot bring myself to talk to him.

I have arranged for marriage counselling end of Aug. He wants the counselling session. He claims he don't know what is wrong.

I am so tired. Still have to go to work. Still have to talk cock with customers. Still have to pretend nothing is wrong with me at work.

31st Aug mark our 6th year together. But I am slowly slipping away. My heart is hardening. The man sleeping next to me at night is no longer my husband. He is just somebody who looks like him. In my heart I silently grieve the lost of my husband.

I am all alone here in Singapore but I will pull through this. A lot of tears will be shed but my spirit will not be broken.

Please do not tell Dad. I don't want to give him unnecessary burden. Dad will be very sad.

I will stop here. I do not know what else to say.

When it is time.

2008-08-09T07:44:00.004+08:00

I have stopped wanting to talk to you. Suddenly you become interested in my day. You want to send me to work at the doorstep. You say good morning with such enthusiatic.

I cannot reply with the same zest. I don't know what's going through in you mind. Hack I don't know what's going through in my mind.

I dare not be too close to you. When I try my best and be happy around you, you will someone choose to hurt me in ways unimaginable.

Tell me a few more times that you do not love me anymore. Shout it out to me. I dont think it makes a difference because those words have been ringing in my head consistently after that night.

I have no more desire to want to look at you but yet I have this burning urge to hug you. When you left this morning I was hiding in the kitchen and crying softly. Now I sit here writing this and you forgot something and came back. Again I do not want to look at you with my moist eyes and you tell me to have a nice day before going out the door again.

I love you but I love myself more. I don't like me now. I am in pain.

When it is time. I will let you go. In good time.

Walk the talk

2008-07-30T22:37:00.002+08:00

Met my boss for appraisal today. Talk Talk Talk for almost 1hr 15mins.

Boss keeps pushing me to meet my goals. She tells me that if I work towards my goals she will go there with me and make sure I will reach there.

I will do what I do best. Just be myself. Myself will bring me there. God will lead the way for me.

Peace.

Turning into a man

2008-07-24T00:04:00.003+08:00

Colleague N just smsed me to tell me she don't think she will hit her target. Her leg hurts but should not take MC and she is depressed.

I actually told her to stop whinning and think what went wrong. There must be something wrong. Other than the bad economy, what else is wrong? Are the calls made productive? How is the pitching?

I know I upset her. Instead of lending a listening ear, I told her to stop whinning.

Am I becoming a man? I reflected and thought about the influences on my life if I were facing the same problem as Colleague N. All 3 voices were telling me the same thing. Shape up and stop whining. All 3 voices were men. All 3 have pushed me to better myself one way or another.

This is tough competition and there is no time to feel sorry for oneself. I am sorry if I am heartless but it's time to stop whining and think what went wrong.

Go go go!

Sucky July

2008-07-21T21:49:00.003+08:00

Bubi left for India. Blow hot and cold.

Mum not talking to me. Parents just left for airport.

Low palette and white blood count, new rashes appearing on my arms. Just puked and feeling all nauseous. Stay away from me! It's contagious!

Not able to go to work equals to no sales. Only saving grace. Boss don't expect me to bring in numbers for the month. Yeeehaa!

Simple life

2008-07-13T21:40:00.002+08:00

Thank you my Jie Mei's. Thank you for being there for me. Bestest bunch of people to curse, swear and bitch with :)

I don't think I will be able to find another group of females that can shoot dirty looks and bitch at one single person in unison with perfect timing. Huh? We Bias? So?

I am sitting in my OSIM chair, using a Rejuvinated Mask and wearing super cute/auntie looking Hello Kitty shorts courtesy of Ah Fat @ Ah Pat. Total bliss...

Great expectations

2008-07-12T16:51:00.002+08:00

I have none anymore.

upset

2008-06-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

pissed off, upset, disapponted and once again speechless......

Haiz...

2008-06-15T19:24:00.000+08:00

No wonder I so moody lah....My period is here.....Cheyyyyy

Sunday 2.49pm.

2008-06-15T14:49:00.003+08:00

Watched Lake House on channel 66. cooked instant noodles, tasted werid so I only ate the sotong balls in it.

Made a huge ass salad which consists spinach, boiled eggs, corn and crab sticks and TONS of pepper. Yum. I think can eat for days....a little too ambitious when i threw in the amt of ingredients it became more and more. But damn healthy lah.

Put my clothes to wash. Need to wait for another 25mins for the cycle to stop.

Wah all the glasses, pots, dishes and utensils.

Now, sad sad again. All by myself. I thought I would be happy to have some peace and quiet to myself. Not anymore :(

Bubi bubi come back quick. I need a huggie!!!

:(

2008-06-15T10:36:00.003+08:00

Bubi left for a 2 week trip this morning. I am really really sad.

I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to stop hugging him this morning.

We both know he hasn't gone for a trip for months and we have been 2 peas in a pod for the longest time. My heart broke a little when the other pea left.

Bubi sent me to work in the morning. Bubi will go home and then come pick me up after work at 10pm. Bubi will hug me and tuck me to bed. He will come irritate me and squeeze my fats. He will put his stinky armpit on my face.

Usually when I hug him for too long, he will say "enough liao".

Today he let me hug him as long as I want until I said enough.

I miss all that. Heavy heart.

Ok, now I have 2 whole weeks to buy myself in work all over again. Sniff.

Can't wait for bubi to come back. sniff sniff.

............

2008-05-15T21:07:00.002+08:00

Disappointment and drained.

I am actually speechless.

Are you talking to me?

2008-05-12T21:32:00.002+08:00

On Sat, I went to Plaza Sing with Bubi to watch SPEEDRACER. Not Bad. BUT...before that we walked pass a Yamaha outlet and I was looking at these beautiful grand pianos and my fingers started moving.

As in my fingers automatically were moving to the tune of RIGHT HERE WAITING by Richard Marx. My fingers were moving like they knew which keys to play and which finger to move.

Ok, for the record I took 4 freaking years of Electronic Organ. Thats 4 years X 52 weeks X 1 hr. Thats a total of 208 hours not forgetting the practice I do at home. And I watch my friend played RHW once on the piano and I knew the keys immediately.

I was quite amazed by myself that after more then 17 years I could somehow remember the keys!

While my fingers were still moving I walked intot the ladies and I heard RHW as somebody's ringtone. I tell you....it was super bizarre.....spooky also. RHW is a super duper old song. Almost an oldies for the gen X, but here I was hearing it as somebody's ringtone when I was just moving my fingers to the tune.

I kept thinking about it during the rest of the day. At night during MSN, I told this to The Man. And he told confirm it is hantu. Tell me to check out hantu.com. @#$%^&*#$%^&*

Anyway I went for church on Sunday, I was in the midst of worship when suddenly it was so clear. Pagans can say I am crazy, but I really heard God telling me, "Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you."

I actually felt peace :)

After sunset

2008-05-07T00:01:00.002+08:00

It did not last long. Left the office at 8pm today.

Accomplished many tasks but wished that the environment could be more efficient.

Called many clients made many appointments!

Jia you jia you!

Before sunset

2008-05-05T19:51:00.001+08:00

WOW! I left work at 6.45pm today.

It is a first for me :) Loving it!

MAY 2008

2008-05-04T21:41:00.002+08:00

It'a already May. Time is passing a bit too fast. Too fast for me.

Not sure what I have accomplish this year. Seems like nothing yet.

Contented and happy for the moment. But I can sense there is something lacking. Prob leck of time is my biggest issue.

Leong Moomoo is pregnant! 5 weeks. Cannot believe she is preggy!!! So happy for her. Miracle baby :)

Dang I have to give extra angbao next year!

When are we having a girls night out?

2008-04-27T22:50:00.000+08:00

When ah???? can my sistars reply?

not too good

2008-04-27T22:13:00.002+08:00

So as you can tell. Diet was for 2 weeks and then back to regular diet of hawker food and whats not.

Quick somebody stop me!!!!!!!!!

But but but... I love to eat lah....

I love Ah Lun....

2008-04-20T21:37:00.003+08:00

More of Ah Lun

Cai Hong/ Rainbow

Jian Dan Ai

Zhou Da xia

Kbox with my sistars

2008-04-20T21:16:00.004+08:00

After an absolutely exploding buffet steamboat with ahnik, ahfat and babiooooooo........and babiooo's unboorn lil girl in her tummy.....We proceeded to KBOX at Cineleisure! Without big and small babioooo, they had to follow daddy home.

We AGAIN had mini Jay Chou concert.....from 11pm to 1am!!! Favourite song of the moment!

Once again I want to fall in love all over again.....

Thank you ahnik and ahfat.....luff you girls...

5th day to diet

2008-02-23T13:24:00.003+08:00

22th feb Friday

Dieting is really a chore. Cannot eat all the nice nice stuff.

Breakfast.

Had the fish filet which was on top of the OILY bun provided by the office.

Fish filet measured 2cm x 5cm x 0.5cm. Threw away the oily bun.
1 small cup milo from vending machine

Lunch

Yong Tau Foo (AGAIN)

1 Cuttlefish leg
1 small bunch Kangkong
1 small bunch straw mushroom
1 green chili with fish paste
1 lady's finger
1/2 siken egg tofu
1 small bunch super don't know what green leafy vegetable
NO EGG!

DINNER

Omigod lor...had D&D at Shangrila of cos must eat right???

1. LO HEI again but i didn't eat. Cos went out with Nadia to smoke. So left the table after tossing.
2. Sharks Fin x 2 bowls
3. Wasabi Prawns x 6 pieces (Guily me but SUPER YUM)
4. Baked Chicken x 1 piece
5. Steam Fish
6. Veg with mushroom and 1 oyster
7. Never touch the Ee Mee (yeah)
8. Never touch the Dessert some ice cream with fruits thingy (yeah)

Drinks
1/2 glass beer :(
1 coke :(
1 orange crush :(
1 ice water :)

4th day to diet....

2008-02-21T19:27:00.003+08:00

21st Feb

Breakfast

No breakfast since today i didn't go to work. On MC. Throat hurts.

2.30pm Lunch

Had a bowl of pork and cuttlefish porridge. ate one piece of the 6 youtiaos waving at me.
1 cup of Qin Chao

6pm. Actually feeling faint.

1 jumbu fruit.
1 packet of guava.

Dinner 7pm

1 cup a soup 106 calories with 100ml full cream milk (Full cream milk prob 10 thousand calories)
1 foo chow fish ball
2 meat ball
1 big bowl of chopped spinach
4 strands of smoked cuttlefish snack

diet is still onz...lost 3 kg!!???!

2008-02-21T11:24:00.003+08:00

20th Feb

Breakfast

Sibei Jialet....went for training at Suntec and the aircon was freezing and felt really too cold and sick.
1030 there was tea break

5!!! pieces of 3cm by 3 cm of sandwich!!! Ahbish myself.

Lunch

It was Gu zai's birthday and he suggested to eat at the $9.80 buffet Teochew porridge.

Restrained myself from eating the pork. yeah!
1/2 bowl porridge
1/2 chicken wing
lots of hei bi hiam
lots of vege
1 small piece curry chicken
2 chicken feet

Dinner

Yong Tau Foo
2 cutlefish legs
1 egg
1/2 tomato
1/2 green pepper
1/2 silken tofu
1 bunch straw mushroom
1 small bunch kangkong

I have eaten so much vegetable over the last 3 days that i have been shitting twice a day.

and I have lost 3 kg which means I must have been clearing my system which was full of shit.
hahaha.....3kg worth of shit!

ON A DIET

2008-02-19T22:02:00.004+08:00

Ok the wesobeautiful clan is OFFICIALLY on a DIET.

I also want to add what I eat everyday. Been officially depressed since i cannot fit into my wedding cheongsum. FUCK!

19th Feb Tuesday

BREAKFAST

1 Small cup Milo from Dispenser.

Managed to resist the OTAH BUN and DONUT today from the pantry. So proud of myself.

Lunch
The whole class was eating Long John silver. Everybody wanted to study so they just popped downstairs to buy LJS. I walked by myself to PS to buy Yong tau Foo soup W/O Noodles. (seriously sooooooo proud of myself)

2 Cuttlefish legs
1 Hardboiled egg. ( I love eggs. have to cut down on those cute oval things)
1 lady's finger
1/2 silken tofu
1 small buch straw mushroom
1 mushroom with fish meat
1 small bunch kangkong

Mid day snack.

Shared half a donut with the IT girl. Needed sugar to boost energy level.

DINNER
Yummy Bah Kut Teh near beach road

1 pot BKT with 2 pieves of meat and pig's stomach and intestines.
2 spoons of rice from Bubi's bowl
1 small ring of youtiao dip in the soup
1 cup of lime juice

18th Feb Monday

BREAKFAST

1 small cup milo from Dispenser

No more 10am snack. Office always provides bread, sandwiches and cakes. I have been snacking so much i want to slap myself.

LUNCH

Yong tau foo with soup NO NOODLES
2 Cuttlefish tentacles
1 hardboiled egg
1/2 Japanese silken tofu
1 lady's finger
1 small bunch straw mushrooms
1 small bunch Kangkong
1 tofu with fish meat inside

Mid Day snack

1 small cup Milo

DINNER
Cannot make it. Had division dinner with the big boss at Metropole herbal restaurat. Yummy, tummy also big big

Lo Hei
Shark's Fin Soup
Small piece of steam fish
1 prawn with cabbage. (Resisted the temptetion for 2nd prawn. yeah!)
Ee mee
Sesame candy desert
I more dish cannot remember.

ALOT of chinese tea
1 glass sourplum juice

No more exams!

2008-02-19T21:45:00.002+08:00

WOAHHAHAHHHAH...

Finally.......relax relax one corner no more exams!

Passed my last paper Structured Notes at 7pm just now! Yipee Yah yeah!

hehehehheheeheheheheheh

Aiyoh...

2008-01-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

Today took my first exam paper. I passed!!! Yeah yeah yeah.

But I know at least 6-7 people fail. Very sad for them. Have promised Miss Lee to help her study for the paper this Thursday night. Ah boy and POSB also fail. Really aiyoh lor...

We have another paper this Friday. Got to pass that one too. Must study!!!

The heat is on!

1 FX paper down 4 more to go!

Woahhhhhhooooooohooooooo.......

Long time no see!

2008-01-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

Went for steamboat with Ah Nik and UUUuuuuuuuuuuugene tonight at Tiong Bahru tonight.

While driving there, ah nik called and said uuuuuuuuuuugene invited another friend whom ahnik has not seen for ages and don't know I mind or not.

I was thinking....hmmm....ok....i hope the dinner not too painful for me with stranger....

Upon reaching there!!!!

OMIGOD!!!

She is my Primary 1 and 2 classmate lor. And also I shared room with her in Primay 6 on a school trip to Malacca!

It was great! The 4 of us just talked like super OLD friends. Gosipping and laughing non stop!

From Potong (sp?) to bitches to 12 yr old classmates making out!!!! So freaking entertaining!

I had a great night!

Look Ma! No Pants!

2008-01-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

I spent the better half of Saturday folding and ironing Bubi's clothes for his 3 weeks in KL.

Pbbc - "You pack everything already? Shirts? Shorts? Underwear?"

Bubi - "Yes, pack liao."

Pbbc - "Ok."

Sunday night at 9.30pm, long distance call from KL.

Riiiiiinnng, riiiinnnng.

Pbbc - "Hello?"

Bubi - "Guess what?"

Pbbc - "What?"

Bubi - "I didn't pack any work pants!!!"

What can I say? I married stoopid Bubi. Heh!

Poor Bubi!

Shut up and drive drive drive......

2008-01-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

The Man bought a new car! Guess what he bought?

A freaking Mercedes SLK! OK, the car has not been delivered yet but soon! Before CNY! So now he is still driving his Renault Megane Coupe.

So anyway, thats not the point of my post.

The Man asks for a meet up with the Tai Sai Gang on Friday. Just before the meet up, I smsed him something.

"I demand free picking up and sending back. I drive of course. Those are my terms."

The Man - " See you next year."

PBBC - "OK! See you next year."

I was testing waters to see if he will ever let me drive his Coupe.

Anyway, it was getting late and we didn't meet up in the end because I was just too tired from training and fell asleep at 11pm. He smsed me at 12am to tell me he just finished movie with his gf so meet another day.

I saw the sms on Saturday when I woke up. Called The Man and we arranged for dinner on Sunday night with the Tai Sai Gang.

HA! Today I smsed him. "My terms still stand!"

We met for dinner at the Hong Kong Street Zhi Char at Alexander followed up by tons of laughter. It is always good to be the Tai Sai Gang. Sibei crappy people. And got gossips about the shithead!

After dinner, Ben sent Jialee back.
AND......The Man gave me his car key!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA!

It shows that if you harass people enough they will cave in to your wimps!

I drove and drove and he even let me take the top down, you know the full COUPE feeling with the hair flying in your face and fresh air rushing past you.

The Man - "So Mdm, are you happy with the car?"

PBBC - " Yes, but it has a bit too many mileage, can cheaper?"

The Man - " Chao Chee Bye"

Thank You my friend, you have made my day.

Now I am just waiting to drive the SLK!

Proverbs 27

2008-01-11T20:28:00.000+08:00

One of my trainers talked about Proverbs 27 and how it teaches us to treat our partners who support us from the backend. Pay attention to the green words.

Proverbs 27 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
Proverbs 27
1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.
3 Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both.
4 Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?
5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
7 He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.
8 Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.
9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.
10 Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
11 Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart; then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt.
12 The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.
13 Take the garment of one who puts up security for a stranger; hold it in pledge if he does it for a wayward woman.
14 If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.
15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;
16 restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.
17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
18 He who tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and he who looks after his master will be honored.
19 As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.
20 Death and Destruction [a] are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of man.
21 The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but man is tested by the praise he receives.
22 Though you grind a fool in a mortar, grinding him like grain with a pestle, you will not remove his folly from him.
23 Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds;
24 for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations.
25 When the hay is removed and new growth appears and the grass from the hills is gathered in,
26 the lambs will provide you with clothing, and the goats with the price of a field.
27 You will have plenty of goats' milk to feed you and your family and to nourish your servant girls.

Damn funny!

2008-01-10T01:34:00.000+08:00

Eileen sent me something!

LOSER alert!!!

AND THE HILARIOUS VERSION!!!

Ah fat's xmas with the fambily

2008-01-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

Look here for ah fat's version!

The cycle starts again

2008-01-07T02:03:00.000+08:00

Time now : 2.05am

Can't sleep. Been lying in bed for 50 minutes. Decided to get up to watch some tv.

Probably because I have been sleeping late for the past one month. And maybe a little afraid and sad to go to work, and this is not even exactly work because it is going o be 2 months of training. I have been a slob too long. :p

TRAINING!!!

This time round I am not excited because I already know what to expect, unlike the last time where everything was new to me. And I was curious about everything.

I just pray there are no bitches in the class. Amen!

New Year's Fambly Photos

2008-01-03T14:40:00.000+08:00

200th Posts! And Happy New Year 2008!

2008-01-01T11:02:00.003+08:00

I have a great feeling about this new year! Serious!

Happy New Year 2008!

Will upload silly photos later!

Muaks! :)

1 MORE DAY TO THE NEW YEAR

2007-12-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

So faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssttttttttttttt!!!!

I have not accomplished anything this year!!!

Unless you count those 6 miserable certificates for bankiing...!@#$%^&*(#$%^&

2007 Christmas with The Fambily

2007-12-27T12:21:00.000+08:00

Karaoke - 3 Heavenly Queens

2007-12-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

I tell you. Ah Pui, Nono and I went to Spize for some sinful yummy food tonight. As usual, we had the ayam goreng, nasi goreng pattaya, egg prata, chesse prata, ANOTHER ayam goreng and FRIES!

Erm...yes there is only 3 of us. Ok back to my main post.

So what do 3 very chio girls do after stuffing ourselves and gossiping???

KARAOKE! Next stop! Party world!

We had our very own personal Jay Chou concert. Lalalalala....

I think we listened to more than 15 of Jay's songs!!!
like 10 plus because hAnd Ah Pui had her own Wen Lan's concert because she just wanted to find this ONE song. I know how you feel ah pui. That one song yuou want to listen but don't know what's the title.

So you see we only wanted to sing for 1 hour. ONLY 1 HOUR. But bo pian minimum they charge you 3 hrs. We reached there like 8 plus and Nono had to go back by 11pm lah cos her clan is here.

And hor we sang and sang and sang and sang! Suddenly 3 hrs was up! My goodness we thought we will be done by 10pm? Why? Because we thought only 3 person sure run out of songs to sing.

AHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH..................we win!!! The Low fambily came to visit us around 11.15pm and we happily show them our happy MV's of Ah Jay and Ah Gary!

lalalalalalalalalalal.....I LOVE KTV!

When are we doing this again?

Had a happy day!

2007-12-21T02:16:00.000+08:00

Simple happy day.

Wake up, eat, watch dvd.

Nap, shop, eat.

Shop somemore, watch National Treasure.

Come home, bathe, tuck whiney bubi to bed and give press press.

Do laundry, watch tv, blog.

Happy happy day :)

Fickle minded

2007-12-17T17:12:00.000+08:00

Funnily enough. Monday a new day, a new week.

No more silly grandeurs of falling in love like a little puppy.

Just waiting to rub my bubi's tummy later :)

I FORGOT!

2007-12-17T01:33:00.000+08:00

Shit! I forgot our LIVE ON MSN date at 10pm.

Shit Shit Shit!

Feel like falling in love all over again

2007-12-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

Been watching one too many Jay Chou's MV.

I want to have the feeling of falling in love again. Seriously!

You know the feeling of missing someone.
Losing sleep over someone when you fight.
Looking at your phone and praying for him to call.
Sleeping at night and thinking about him.
Wondering what he is doing at the moment.
When the phone is ringing and you know it's him.
The first kiss.
Getting jealous over the smallest issue.
Crying and threatening to break up.
Slamming down the phone halfway through an arguement.
Making out at the back of the bus.
Receiving small love hand written notes.
Dressing up to go out with him.
Having him use up his allowance to buy you something when he should spend it for food.
Thinking of him every waking minute.
Wondering why he has not called.
Loving him all over again when he apologizes.
Crying till your heart is going to stop in school.
Folding cranes, stars and hearts and putting them in a bottle.
Wearing matching t-shirts.
Having him sing to you over the phone.
Holding hands secretly during school camps.
He sending you home even though you stay at the other end of the island - by BUS.
Waiting for you to finish your ECA and walking you to the MRT.
Studying together after school at Mcdee's.
Saving your allowance to buy him that anniversary present.

The list goes on and on.

Being married is a totally different ball game that is sweet in other ways. Different from teenage/young adult love :)

Alvin and the Chipmunks

2007-12-13T23:23:00.000+08:00

SUPER CUTE!

I lurve the trailer!!! I want Theodore!!!!!!

Wo Bu Pei

2007-12-12T22:20:00.000+08:00

After I told THE MAN I cried while watching the Fei Yi Qing/ Jay Chou's Qian Li Zhi Wai, he recommended me to watch the below for more heart wrenching moments!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......help!

Wo bu pei

Lunch with ex-colleagues

2007-12-12T18:54:00.000+08:00

Met up with ex-colleagues for lunch Suntec.

Lunch was good. Compliments of Malcolm :) Followed by coffe, again compliments of Malcolm. HAHAAH. Nicole and Celia forced mal to take their money for the coffee. I tried once but he refused so I didn't really push. HAHA they must think I am a cheapskate lor.

But I got treat Mal before mah...so to me it's ok one lah, who is keeping tabs right?

Not like those who have NEVER EVER fork out a single cent for ANYTHING right? You know I know WHO hor....

At the end of the day, the general consensus is that we are off to a better place.

Moving on.

The people who are left behind are seriously people whom we do not wish to ever cross paths again. Good riddance!

On to happier topics!

SUPER CUTE MV COMING UP!

Jay Chou's new song! COWBOY ON THE RUN - Niu Zai Heng Mang

And my other favourites!

Ting Mama De Hua

Ban Chao Gan Mu

And the one song which tugs at my heart

Tui Ho

Listening to this song makes me reminisence about all those past relationships I have. Relationships that after a while I realised that nobody was seriously at fault. It was wrong timing or just not suitable for each other.

I miss those days when I had heated and heart breaking fights with ex-boyfriends. Those fights which leaves you thinking if you have enough strength to go on with your live. Fights that make your heart squeeze with such pain that you gasp for air.
Fights that make you cry till your eyes are puffy.

My teenage year were filled with those scenes. It seems like yesterday I was there fighting with him, thinking how miserable I was and how to get through those times.

Those are times when I wish I can turn back time and go to those relationships where nothing else matters. Waiting by the phone to ring (No mobile phone then hor), sending lovely alpha numeric message to pagers, surprising him with hand folded stars and cranes. HAHA. Quite childish I know but it was so sweet then.

You know Boy meets Girl. Boy chases Girl. Boy and Girl fall in love. Promise to marry each other (erm that time 15-16 years old?). Pass each other in the canteen and pretend to be cool and not look at each other. Wrtte little love notes and stuff into notebooks. Carry the same bag and pencil case. Wear matching t-shirts and couple rings.

Very very sweet and innocent. Fights were over the most petty things. Things that will not matter at my present life stage.

Tui Ho reminds me of those sweet moments when Boy acts cool and breaks Girl's heart. Girl is miserable and goes off. Years later none of those things in the past matter anymore. Only sweet memories flow endlessly that puts a smile on the face out of the blue.

What I will give in exchange for my teenage years again! (contented smile)

Turning Cheena

2007-12-12T03:11:00.000+08:00

Oh oh I forgot to add. I am now so into those MANDARIN songs that everybody sings at karaokes. My goodness, I mean I am HOOKED!

I used to seriously despise mandarin songs. I think I only liked 2, 3 maybe 4 mandarin songs? And I would never thought I would spend a single cent on a mandarin album.

This is what I bought!

There is this werid cowboy song which sounds like Old Macdonald had a farm yeeyayeeyaoh. Haha :)

I have Jay Chou's and Gary Cao's albums!! Woahohooooo!!! Yeah!

I have fallen for this song :) I weep when I watch the MV.

Qian Li Zhi Wai

And Superwoman from Gary Cao!

No joke I am in love with these men!

Got to d/l them into my MP3!!!

Another great dinner

2007-12-12T02:25:00.000+08:00

Tonight we celebrated a very early birthday for the cow. Habbie birdday to you moooooooooooooo.......

The 6 of us, you know the usual suspects. Moomoo, me, Susu, Miss K, AVP Ho and Future BM Lanic.

Well, we went to where AVP Ho suggested!!!

AH YAT SEAFOOD!

It was another great evening with an incredible group of people.

These are people who will go on to touch other people's life like it touched mine. Simple laughter and friendship that help one another on his/her journey. People whom should be treasured and respected. Happy shiny people :)

When will we be doing this again? When someone leaves?

Let's hope not.

On garden leave.

2007-12-10T03:37:00.000+08:00

Garden leave (or gardening leave) describes the practice of instructing an employee who is leaving an employer (following a resignation, or having been made redundant or otherwise terminated) to stay away from work during their notice period. The practice is often used to prevent employees working for the employer's competitors for a period of time.

Time now 3.38am.
Monday. Watching CSI- New York on DVD.

BEST!

Woooohooooo.......

I am freed!

2007-12-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

Threw the letter on the 4th Dec. Coincidentally it's Isaac's birthday! Happy birthday old boy!

You think too highly of yourself.

Enough of you shit head. Seriously enough. Don't know which hole you crawled out from.

You won't be lasting long. You immature back stabbing pain in the arse. I give you 6 bloody months! Gosh! We cannot even track your work history!!!

Chee Ba Boom!

BITCH!!!

2007-11-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

Bitch is in the house!!!

Just F. OFF.

And keep your tiny pathetic breasts in, please. "Eyes roll"

Grumpy Dumpy

2007-11-25T11:29:00.000+08:00

I have a sick boy in the house!

Grumpy like nobody's business......

For better or worse hor...so i still act like a clown to cheer him up lor.

Sibei Sibei grumpy! hmpth!

In a sales environment

2007-11-24T15:04:00.000+08:00

Why is it that people can outright try to steal your clients?

Even when you even think they are your friends and are beginning to give them the benefit of the doubt?

And then you wished you had not been so nice to them before. Now all you want to do is to make them as uncomfortable as possible.

Are there not enough customers for yourself?

Is this a never ending vicious cycle fo a sales job?

Whatever ......

Happy Birthday to ME!

2007-11-19T23:41:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday to me!

Look what Bubi bought for me from Ben and Jerry's.

ICE CREAM CAKE! YUM!

I took leave today, slept late and when I heard keys jiggling outside the door, I scurried to the door and opened it. And I found bubi with a BOX!!! It's a cake, it's a cake, it's a cake!

In our 6 years today, this is he first time he bought me a cake. Sweet, nice warm feeling swirl inside of me :)

OK SUPER UNGLAM PICTURE COMING RIGHT UP!

ARE YOU READY?

SURE?

HERE IT IS!

Happy birthday to me and kozi!
Happy birthday to me and kozi!
Happy birthday to me and kozi!
Happy birhtday to me and kozi!

I am just happy to spend a nice peaceful day with bubi.
Thank you bubi! Love you!

Spreaaaaading the germs....

2007-11-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

Met one of my clients today.

Excused myself 3 times during the appointment. Why?

I ran out of the meeting room to cough. You know the cough cough cough until you cry kind!!!

At the end of the session when clients leave, usually part of the ethics is to shake hands right?

I look at my client and said, you wouldn't want to shake my hand, he agreed.

That's it, no more meeting any clients till i get well!

AMEN!

Have to get well

2007-11-13T15:54:00.000+08:00

I am getting better. Have taken my seond dose of medicine today.
Hopefully by tomorrow, I will be at least 80% functioning.

I have to crawl to work tmr no matter what. I guess that's the "charm" of the job. One can never leave the job for too long. On'e heart is always wondering what is happening.

My mobile is ringing off the hook. Really afraid to pick up the phone. Pick up the phone will kena work and scolding one.

sigh..........

Market having a correction

2007-11-13T00:47:00.000+08:00

Shit. The market lau sai today.

My heart is pounding. Time to do damage control.

Dow is up. So I am hoping for a rally tmr.

Jesus, help!

2 days MC

2007-11-12T13:33:00.000+08:00

Another 2 days worth of MC.

Dear Lord,

Please please please, not the 100 days cough. If it is, I do not have to work already. Give me rest. Have NO customers call me today and tomorrow.

Amen.

The cough is getting worse. It's getting to the point that I cough till I vomit and tears stream down my face. The feeling is real bad. I feel like I am coughing my throat out. My stomach is already empty but yet I puke some sort of juice out.

Argh.

LATE payment again

2007-11-12T13:27:00.000+08:00

SHIT!

Kena charged $45 again by UOB CC. I keep forgetting to pay.

Can somebody remind me that I have to pay my father's UOB CC by 8th every month? I kena the $45 don'tknow how many times. Need to go and apply giro.

Also my father's DBS CC by 24th every month?

Arghhhhhhhhhhh............