What do you want from me?

Today, I picked you up after work for dinner. You actually held my hand, first time in 5 days.

At home you gave me a hugged and I told you, you were smelly and you said " For better or worse"

I didn't know how to react. Should I be happy? But I am afraid you might say those words again and my world will spin again out of control. I kept quiet and walked away.

I logged into facebook and check you out.

I saw that you "superhugged" some girl, and only this girl. And you sent her a video and left her a message with the words "Luv ya" inside the whole message.

I cannot hide my feelings. although you are sleeping, I went into the room and asked you who is this girl.

You claimed she is a colleague and her whoever's (can't remember) death anniversay and you just sent her something.

Should I believe you? You keep saying she is a colleague only and nothing is going on. You said you only "Luv ya" to her but you will "Love you" to me. You laughed and said you will superhugged me as well. To me what's the point? Am I priority on your list?

You said I am jealous. Of cos I am. Is it wrong of me to be jealous?

You asked me what is going on through my head. I kept quiet and said goodnight and you hugged me.

If you knew what is going through my head, there will be more sadness.

I so wanted to tell you "After all this trying is over and you still don't love me. I will let you go in good time. Be patient with me for the moment." These words wanted to burst out. Instead I just said Goodnight. I don't know if keeping quiet was the right thing to do. I walked out of the room to blog this.

You can't sleep and came out smiling and brought your laptop in and said to me "Ha, I am going to send you a superhugged!"

I just checked my facebook and you "cuddled" me. I don't feel special. I saw that you removed the video you sent her. Probably changed the settings to a private gift. I am no idiot.

Just hang on for a while ok? Just be by my side a while longer. If you really want to go, I will let you go. Just not now.